The Republican Machine is desperate to try to make McCain look presidential. First they toy around in

Georgia – playing chicken with a nuclear power. Then they go into disaster preparedness mode over a

thunderstorm. Each time McCain stands ready with a press conference, the appropriate attire (tie, no tie,

or sweater – for only the gravest of circumstances), and a squinty eyed, grimacing countenance that is

part Clint Eastwood, part geriatric constipation.

The only contingent more bummed than McCain that Super-Katrina The Sequel only managed to dampen a

few basements is the CEO of Blackwater Inc. - who won’t be able to profit from the - $50,000 for every

looter shot dead - incentive outlined in his contract.

So what happens to all the teddy bear stuffed care packages that well intentioned volunteers

assembled for the suffering victims? Perhaps they should send them to the domestic, political prisoners

behind bars in Minnesota.

At least McCain’s media handlers managed to prevent further public associations between their candidate

and the President with the lowest approval ratings since the invention of approval ratings.

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******************************Putin Stars in Theatrical Premiere!***************************

Russian emperor Vladimir Putin starred in a worldwide theatrical premier over the weekend entitled “When Tigers Attack”. Vladimir looked thoroughly convincing in head to toe camouflage attire. A cadre of tough looking Bowery types shadowed his movements about the jungle set, contributing grunts and menacing glares.
The plot of the play is quite convincing. Vladimir, while hiding out in a remote jungle enclave to avoid assassination, stumbles across a hungry tiger that tries to attack a Russian film crew. The film crew has accompanied their leader to document his historical hike into the wilderness. With only an instant to spare Vladimir seizes a Russian made dart gun and shoots a bullseye right into the ferocious beast’s jugular. The cowering crew survives and emerges from their terrible venture into the jungle unscathed.
Many critics have been quick to point out the metaphor of helpless Russian citizens under attack being rescued by Putin. It’s less than two news cycles since the ferocious tiger of Western imperialism lunged forth from the shadows to gorge itself on the meat of dead Ossetians.
We can only hope those war –tattered, traumatized souls take comfort in the latest production.

-AR

“When Tigers Attack” Starring Vladimir Putin
Select Theaters for Showtimes
Russian with English subtitles, 91 min.

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